i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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