i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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