i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
