Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
