its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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