Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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