Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
