Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
