Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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