once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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