I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize