I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
