I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
