Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
