I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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