I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
