Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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