new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
