If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
