I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
