I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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