apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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