I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
