I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
