omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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