He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
