This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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