I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
