So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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