She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
