i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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