I want to walk on stilts...naked
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
