and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
