I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
