are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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