I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
