We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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