Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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