I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
