Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize