btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
