i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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