I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
