im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
