The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
