If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
