they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
