Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
