He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
