I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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