No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
