So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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