This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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