you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
