Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
