My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
