Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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