Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
