i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
