you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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