It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
