if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
