Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
