Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
