omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
