Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
